she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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