she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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