I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he just fucked me for my cheese.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
