Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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