My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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