Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
