you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
