i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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