I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
