I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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