I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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