when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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