Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
