Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
