i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
