i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
