blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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