ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
