after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
