Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
two words...techno handjob
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
