I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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