he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
