So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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