Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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