I feel like abortions should bother me more
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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