It's Friday. Sex?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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