just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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