Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we have officially lost it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
