I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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