he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
