Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
