So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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