Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
