I am in a vortex of obligation.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
