My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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