I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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