I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
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Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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