i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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