4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My room smells like vodka and shame
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
