last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
