when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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