I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
