were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
