so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
