You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
