it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I intend to get homeless drunk
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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