I will die if light touches me.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
