Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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