Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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