I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
