I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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