i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
