some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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