It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
