We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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