UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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