There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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