i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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