I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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