this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
