you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you never un-have a 4some
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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