Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
