1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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