i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
