I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
