I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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