I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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