what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
