so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
