I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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