I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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