You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
