apparently the secret to your success is patron
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
